How to make a perfect wedding?

A few bottles of bubbly, that giddy feeling of love in the air, and suddenly (terrible) things just seem to happen…

WHEN NATURE CALLS…

You’ve seen nothing until you’ve been at the fanciest wedding of your life, only for one inebriated guest to wander up to the main table – during the speeches, no less – pull down her Her friend dragged her out but it literally left everyone speechless.

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Wardrobe malfunction

As a bridesmaid at my best friend’s wedding, I was wearing a rather unsupportive strapless dress. I was dancing with her three-year-old niece and having a great time, until little Flora decided to yank down my dress. My boobs popped out right in front of the father-of-the-bride and his friends. My friend’s dad actually choked on a sandwich he was eating.

Wedding crasher

I once drank so much wine at a wedding that when I nipped out to use the loo during the groom’s speech, I stumbled and knocked over a huge ceramic pot plant, which shattered into a thousand pieces. I later overheard his mom telling everyone how I’d ruined the speeches. I haven’t touched white wine at a wedding since.

MIND YOUR STEP

I accidentally stood on the bride’s train when we were dancing at the reception and her dress tore. She was so, so angry. I’m still not forgiven me. Oops!

THE FORGOTTEN DEED

I wanted my sister to have the perfect wedding, and, as maid of honour, put myself in charge of clearing up the venue the next day. But during the celebrations, I got a little tipsy. Not only did I have to leave the reception early, I also threw up in my neighbour’s brand-new car on the way home. I ended up sleeping through the entire clean-up the next day and my sister had to clear up her own wedding. She has never let me forget it.

THE PRANKSTER

I invited my new partner to my cousin’s wedding, but he was so nervous that he got drunk, and then thought it would be hilarious to move my mom’s chair as she sat down. She fell and really hurt herself!

THE SLIP UP

I was waitressing at a big farm wedding last year and the marquee was really hot, making my hands sweaty. Just as I was serving the main table, the tray slipped out of my hand, sending roast beef and gravy down the back of the bride’s dress. She was actually OK with it and laughed it off, but I had to run away from the mother-of-the- That ended my career in waitressing.

SPEECHLESS

At a wedding I went to, the best man spent his entire speech talking about the bride’s ex. There was no punchline – just lots of awkward staring at plates. It was so cringeworthy. Later, the groom kept talking about the ‘one that got away’. Yikes.

 

How to make a perfect wedding?

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