THE WIFE'S SHARE IN SEXUAL INTERCOURSE

Many women are under the impression that their role in the sexual act should be purely passive, and that any display of erotic emotion on their part would not be modest or nice. In other words, she should not show that she is deriving enjoy-ment from the act. This is an entirely false viewpoint; the cooperation of both partners in the sex act should be equal, both physical and spiritual. The wife should participate actively, and create in her husband the same thrilling experience which he is trying to create in her.

The majority of divorces which are obtained in this country are sought by women, and many of these are for the same cause another woman. The husband is blamed for this, but the wife should realize that, if there is a cooling-off in the marriage relations, this is too often her own fault; she has ceased to bring to the marriage relationship the stimulating passion which another woman does the result being that, if he fails to find this at home, he seeks for it elsewhere. The woman who learns something of the arts of love has far less chance of losing her husband than one who regards sexual intercourse as a mere duty.

If the wife knows little of such subjects when she is married, the husband should educate her, so that there may be more mutual enjoyment. Unfortunately, it is true that, only too often, the husband knows but little of the subject himself; he thinks only of his own selfish pleasure, and does not take the necessary time and pains to arouse his wife thoroughly before undertaking the sex act itself. A woman takes longer than a man to prepare herself for sex; though, when her desire is once aroused, it lasts much longer. The husband should, therefore, prepare his wife by endearing words, professions of love, petting and love-play before engaging in the sex act itself. By this means, her organism is thoroughly aroused, and she is anxious and desirous of cohabitation when actually begun.

Men and women are differently constituted in this respect; the man is more intellectual, on the one hand, and passionate on the other. The woman, however, is more expansive; in her, the sentiments, emotions, thoughts, and feelings are united in one composite whole, and all of these must be appealed to, if the wife is to be thoroughly aroused. Above all, the husband must always bear in mind that, no matter how fond a man may be of his wife, and how fully he may try to show his affection by acts of kindness and consideration, a woman must be told that she is loved, not occasionally, but constantly! What a man says plays an enormous part in a woman’s life, and her body readily responds to the emotions which are aroused within her, because of his spoken words.

The manner in which a husband approaches his wife, on the very first night, is highly important, and often influences her entire attitude towards the sex act thereafter. If the man is coarse and brutal, thinking only of his own gratification, and coming directly to the point, without first arousing her by tenderness and a prolonged period of love-play, he may arouse in her an aversion to the act, which is never completely overcome. If, on the other hand, he is gentle and tender, holding her tightly in his arms while lavishing upon her caresses and endearing words, she will become aroused to the point where she longs for the completion of the act as much as he does. It is then, and only then, that it should be consumated.

The active participation of both partners in the love act is absolutely essential, if it is to be enjoyed equally by them. Nothing kills love more completely than mere passive acquiescence on the wife’s part, for both husband and wife will sense this, and they will slowly but surely drift apart. While it is true that marriage means much more than sex, it is also true that marriage is based upon it, and that it plays an enormously important role in married life. Harmony in the sexual life is of fundamental importance, if the marriage is to be lastingly con-tented and happy.

Married couples should see to it that the sexual act never grows stale, and they should bring to it every resource within their power to make it ever novel and stimulating. It is the wife’s duty to see that this side of her husband’s life is thor-oughly pleased and satisfied; and if she does this, she may rest assured that he will continue to love and cherish her, and that he will remain her lover, suffused with a halo of romance, just as he was when she first married him. This is the secret desire of every woman, and it may be assured if she sees to it that she remains his sweetheart. Freedom, frankness and natural abandon will go far to insure this.