Style Not Getting You Ladies 5 Tips For Frustrated Dapper Dudes Carl, your style advice is bull…[beeping sound. I’ve been following, I’ve been dressing sharp, and the ladies are not jumping in my lap. What’s going on? Gentlemen, in today’s post, let’s discuss what happens when you start to dress sharp and you don’t get the attention from the ladies. What’s really going on here? So, I got an e-mail the other day from a gentleman he’s 21, he’s in Chicago.
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And he’s saying, Carl, I love your my blog I’ve learned a lot. I’ve implemented a lot of your tips. I’m dressing sharp and dapper. But there’s a problem, I’m not attracting the ladies. When I go out there, they’re not flocking to me. I noticed that they are going to the guys that have the street wear look, they’ve got those expensive sneakers. And, I’m thinking maybe should I be dressing this way to better attract girls. And so, with that he got some other points in his e-mail, but this was something I focused in on. In today’s post, I want to give this gentleman five tips on how to dress in a manner to truly attract the people that you want to attract whether they’d be women, whether it’s a business deal, whether it’s just be positive people you want to have in your life. So, the first thing I’m going to tell this young man is that you need to understand what you stand for, who you are, and what you’re about, and dress in a manner that you send the message you want to send. I love street wear. I’ve got – some people think I’ve got an issue with it.
No. I look at those guys they – they inspire me what they come up with and the way they put things together. But, it’s something that is its own beast and if it defines you and if you’re like I really like that look, go for it. You want to wear, you know, vintage clothing, go for it. But, what I don’t want you to do is to wear clothing that you’re not confident in. I’m going to get into this here in a later point, but first off you’ve got to dress for yourself. You’ve got to understand who you are, what you stand for, and what you want to represent and then, you’re going to attract the right type of people. I don’t know who you – I, you know, ideally what type of women you want, but you probably need to sit down and think about that. Because if you dress in this manner and it’s not who you are, it’s not where your values are at, you’re going to attract the wrong type of people. And so, that’s the first thing I would say with this gentleman. Next up, he needs to make sure he does his prep work. So, this used to be something that, you know, I don’t think was this big maybe twenty or thirty years ago, but nowadays if you’re going to go out, make sure you’ve got a strong social profile.
When you look at people, they’re on Tinder or all this other various apps out there. They’re at you know, Okay Cupid and all these various different websites meeting people before they go out. So, oftentimes it’s not you’re meeting – not necessarily meeting people for the first time, there are a lot of people hooking up or meeting with people that they’ve already talked with online. So, understand that you’re kind of going in an environment which maybe they are just – they are just there simply waiting to meet with somebody. Also, you know, when you go in by yourself and he – what he alluded in his e-mail he was saying he was oftentimes going out by himself. What type of social status are you sending when you are alone and you’re walking into a place? So, what I would recommend is go out with friends, definitely go out with two women if you can. Initially, when a man walks into a room with two women, what do we see? Instantly his status goes up. You come in with two to three other guys, not going to be as high of a status, but you still look like, hey, he’s been approved of by these other people. If you’re going out alone, then show up early and get to know the bartender get to know the people that are working at the restaurant or the place – club you’re going to be at, that way all of a sudden you know people. You could even just get to know other patrons and all of a sudden other people are acknowledging you and in a sense are giving you social proof. Tip number three. Confidence versus a costume, I kind of alluded to it earlier, but guys you’ve got to know who are what you stand for and practice dressing and sending that image.
If you’re putting on clothing and you’re not familiar with it, you don’t feel good in it, you simply aren’t used to wearing it, you wear it – wear it. Okay. I’m wearing this hat, but have people staring at me. Am I confident in this hat, these new shoes, these new glasses? May – I know a lot of guys when they start to wear a sports jacket, it’s not something they’re accustomed to. Nowadays, if I’m not wearing a sports jacket when I go to event, I almost feel naked, it’s like my suit of armor. Again, you’ve got to find and you’ve got to practice wearing the pieces that give you the confidence because they’re sending the message that you know that they’re sending. But, guys there’s a big difference between wearing something that is, you know, just your go-to clothing that makes you feel like a million bucks and wearing something that’s a costume something that isn’t what you’re normally going to wear and maybe isn’t sending the message you want to send. Next up, gents let’s talk social skills. So, no matter how attracted she is to you if you’ve got bad social skills you can’t carry a conversation, you are not someone fun to be around, she is eventually going to be repelled by you and she’s going to go off and find someone else to talk with. So, you’ve got to have those social skills. First off, guys you’ve got to make eye contact. So, when you’re looking across the room, you notice her, she notices you and you maintain eye contact for about half a second to sometimes almost two seconds.
You don’t really want to go past two to three seconds, that will all of a sudden may be goes into creepy zone. But, you want to have that eye contact about one to two times before you then approach. The key with approaching is actually to do it. So many times a guy goes to a place and he’s making eye contact with a woman and he never takes the additional step. So, make sure that you do that approach. Next up, we’ve got conversation. So, it’s going to depend on the situation and how well you know the individual, kind of is it a public meeting, is it a private meeting? You may be at a private party, it’s a graduation party for your little brother and there’s this beautiful woman there that you’re lightly acquainted with. She knows – you know that she’s a friend of a friend. So, in this case, the approach and the conversation is going to be something it’s going to be, hey, where you’re in an environment where you can be more open with an individual versus if you’re at a night club and everyone’s got their guard up and people are, you know, just they’re very – they don’t know who you are and they don’t know the people that you’re with. And in this case, that’s a very cold approach. I’m not saying it’s – it’s very doable, but it’s also something that you’re going to have to understand the conversation there is very different from the conversation you’re going to have with the person over here. Next up, humor.
You’ve got have some humor. You’ve got to be somewhat funny. It’s a great way to break the ice and it actually shows higher levels of intelligence. Next, up with social skills, we’ve got body language. And pay attention to your bad habits. You don’t want to sink the conversation by having bad body language. So, when you’re listening to somebody and you go like this, do you think that you’re really listening to them or you’re sending them the signal? No, you’re sending the signal that you’re close off. When you’re trying to get in closer and actually listen to them, but you turn like this and your hand goes down like this, what – what signal does that send to somebody that maybe you’re about to strike them? No. You’re not going to, you’re just trying to get – lean in closer, but you’ve now entered their personal space. They don’t know you very well, you maybe have had a little bit too much to drink and it can be an instant turn off. So, understand your body language and respecting that person’s personal space, very important. Now, let’s talk about physical contact.
When two adults agreed to touch each other, it’s a very intimate moment. But, if one of the parties has not agreed to be touched or is taken by surprise, instantly you could have a fight or flight type of reaction. And, nothing will sink a conversation faster than, you know, if a guy has had a little bit too much to drink and he puts his hand someplace where he shouldn’t and she’s not ready for it and you may get slapped. Guys, understand that you’ve got to keep this in check. You’ve got to understand have you been invited to touch this person, has this person reached over and touched you first. There’s a lot of things maybe wearing a cashmere sweater, having a leather jacket, having something that has a napped surface on it, instantly it attracts people, they want to naturally touch it. And once they touched you, she has now given permission to actually touch her. Now, you – it’s something that goes back and forth, that’s a reciprocity issue. And you need to be careful here especially when you don’t know the individual very well and if you’ve been drinking or something like that. But, guys understand that if you can master these social skills that you will be far ahead. And if you want to learn more guys, I’m going to link over the Art of Charm down in the description. They’ve got an amazing [premium amazing course and you know they’re just good friends of mine.
I will invite you to go check out their my blog. I’m linking to them down in the description. Now, this next tip for the guy that’s dressed sharp, but is still not attracting the women is going to be maybe a bit hard to swallow guys, but, yes, she’s just not into you. You’re not her type, maybe she’s in a relationship, maybe she’s married, maybe, you know. There are many reasons why a woman may choose not to be attracted to you. You just simply – she’s into guys with beards, she likes guys with bald heads. Who knows? She just simply has her preferences. People have things they are attracted to and women are oftentimes very selective in what they’re looking for. Why? Because it’s a numbers game that they have so many guys approaching them when it’s the opposite for guys. The problem with that is it’s a one-way decision and she is choosing you, you didn’t really go through and think about what you wanted to make your life fulfilling to make your life happy to have someone that could see life through you. And, I would recommend that you put together a checklist, not that you have to follow it not that you always have to stick with it, but that you have a reminder of that you have a choice to actually be selective. And you want to make sure that you find a partner in your life someone that you can share the hardships with you can share, you know, the elation whenever you actually reach your goals, but you want someone that you can grow with someone that you can spend time with and so, make sure you’re selective.
Because when it comes down to it, as much as I would like to think there is some type of spray out there, there is some type of, you know, clothing that you can wear that would just have the ladies jumping on you, that it doesn’t exist. But, what does exist are men like you that are working hard to become better. Become better sons, better fathers, better husbands, better brothers, the be – the men that we need to make this world a better place. And, guys if you’re interested, you want to meet more men, you know, that are working on this journey, go check out Menfluential. I’m linking to it down in the description. That’s my conference in Atlanta, Georgia where you can come hangout with me, Aaron Marino, Jose over at Teaching Men’s Fashion, Raphael over at the Gentleman’s Gazette, Ryan Michler over at Order of Man. Guys, we’ve got an amazing group of men that are going to be there to help you take your style, take your image, take your presentation, take you to the next level. Sound good, guys? All right. Take care. I’ll see you in the next post.
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